


The Hidden Lives of the Skywalkers

by TheRogue704



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Future Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Minor CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Order 66 Didn't Happen (Star Wars), Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker Raise Leia & Luke, Padmé Amidala Lives, Parental Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27009760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRogue704/pseuds/TheRogue704
Summary: Anakin never saved Palpatine, but he did save his wife. Padme lived. Now, as the war spirals to an end he must be Husband, father, and Jedi Master
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Padme pressed her fingers to the cool, rose colored glass, a frown of uncertainty played over her face. Somewhere across the sea of speeders, was her husband. Yet it felt like he was closer, watching and waiting with her. She closed her eyes, the last rays of Coruscant's setting sun filtered in through her window and danced across her face. The secrets that he kept, the things he wouldn't say, she could almost feel his unease.

"Anakin," she whispered to herself, "why won't you let me in." He felt so close, and yet so far away in her mind.

Then she felt something, her eyes flew open and her hand flew away from the crystal pane.

"Anakin!" she breathed.

Her legs felt like jello, and she nearly collapsed under the weight of herself and the child she carried within her, as she walked, breathing heavily, towards the door. There was something wrong; she could sense it, and she had to go find Ani before anything happened.

"3PO I have to go to the Temple," she called out, making her way across the chamber as quickly as she could. The Droid did not answer immediately, and irritated by his sudden absence she called out once again, "3-PO!"

She turned her head a bit ajar, just to look for the droid. In that moment two things happened; Padme slipped; her head snapped back around as her trembling fingers groped for something to hold on to. She felt her breath leave her as she hit the cold marble floor. Then, her water broke.

Anakin had thought long and hard on his decision to tell the counsel Darth Sidious' identity, and now, he found, he regretted it. He wasn't sure why, after all, he had saved the Republic and put an end to years of fighting; he may have even earned the rank of Master, yet… a confused, sickening feeling flooded hours soul. If he were to lose Padme, lose the baby- was it worth it.

He could feel her, somehow. She was waiting for him, waiting for him in their home. If he didn't do this, he could lose her. And if he did- he shuddered; how did the repercussions compare?

He pressed a hand to the glass encasing the council chamber, and he could feel her.

"Padme," he said aloud. A deluge of passion overtook him and the next thing he knew he was in the Senate Building, pushing his way through narrow halls, unsure of what he would do when he reached the Chancellor's chamber. He was almost there, he was at the door, one step more and he would be inside.

He had his hand on the doorknob.

And then he didn't.

A sharp pang, like something pulling at his heart, had stopped him in his tracks.

"Padme,"

The night flew by like a blur.

Medical droids and doctors flew in and out of the waiting room, too busy to notice the Jedi knight who sat crying in the corner. In the midst of something he couldn't control, he felt so small.

Everything had happened so fast; General Grievous' death, the Chancellor's confession, Mace Windu's decision, the rush to a hospital, the possibility that the love of his life could die that night, and leave him, the sole reminder of their union, it all hit him like a ton of bricks.

Quite suddenly, everything grew still. It had been quiet before, but the bustle had seemed to fill the silence. Now it had all stopped; there were no worry-worn doctors streaming in and out of the doors, and Anakin began to panic.

"Excuse me," a short twilek nurse who had apparently seen his care-worn expression, towered above his slouching figure, "Are you the—"

"No!" he answered her quickly. Then, looking up and seeing her surprised expression at his reaction, his face softened and he continued, "Just a friend."

The nurse nodded, though she still wore a look of concern, and began to walk away through the doors.

Unthinkingly, Ani jumped to his feet and caught the door before it could close behind her.

"Sir?" her puzzled tone met his ears, yet it could not discourage his naturally headstrong nature.

"Please," the desperate whisper escaped his lips, though it shone more vividly in his eyes, "Please can I see her?"

He was unsure whether it had been force persuasion, or perhaps the patheticness with which he pleaded, but whatever it had been, it worked. The nurse sighed and gestured for him to follow her.

With every moment he was being led through the maze of corridors he could feel the disturbance in the air growing, and the strain on his own mind as well. They stopped outside of the soundproof chamber doors of the birthing chamber and Anakin became hyperaware of his own heavy breaths.

The nurse frowned for a moment, as if regretting her decision to bring him here. He felt as though every emotion he'd been harboring for the past two hours was about to make him burst.

"Is she—" he began.

The nurse interrupted, "wait here a moment," she said, hastily slipping into the chamber.

A minute passed, more like an eternity. Several times Anakin contemplated slashing through with his lightsaber.

Then, just as he was beginning to fear the worst, the doors parted, and he heard through them, a high-pitched wail- no, two! And then he felt their presences,

"Twins!" he gasped, without thinking he rushed past the nurse and straight to the bedside,

"Padme!" he exclaimed, his voice an overwhelming mixture of joy and concern. He glanced behind him at the nurse who was still recovering from his undignified shove.

He cleared his throat, "I mean," he began, trying to regain his composure, "Senator Amidala, are you alright?"

A gentle hand squeezed his own, and guided it down to her cheek, "Leave us," came her soft weak voice.

The nurse nodded, her eyes shifted between the Jedi knight and the senator suspiciously before she hesitantly backed out of the birthing chamber.

"Padme," Anakin stroked his thumb across her cheek. She clutched his hand tightly in her weak, yet firm little grasp.

"See Ani," she said softly, lifting one of the bundles, swaddled in her arms, "Sometimes bad dreams are just bad dreams."

Anakin let out a laugh, and just like that, everything came out. Everything he'd been holding back, the secrets he'd only ever trusted himself to keep, the fears that kept him awake in the night; all of it gone.

"What are we gonna name them?" he laughed, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Well it's a boy and a girl, so we're definitely naming one after obi wan!" she chuckled weakly before growing serious, "I wish we could tell him, he's been so kind to us…"

Anakin brushed a stray hair out of her face, "You look tired," he said.

"I should be!" she laughed, gesturing to the newborns.

Anakin smiled, a soft, bittersweet smile, "We'll go to Naboo, we'll figure it out, together," he squeezed her delicate hand in his large rough one, "All in good time, Padme."

He glanced down to find that her eyelids had drifted shut. Even as she slept, he could feel her calming presence surrounding him. Leaning over he saw that it had the same effect on the two wrinkly bundles who were alert, yet calm in her arms.

"Hello," he reached out a mechanical finger, unsure of what to expect, and felt two uncoordinated hands grasp it tightly. A wide smile spread across his face. These tiny, squirmy little humans were a blessing, to himself and to the world, though it didn't know it yet. No matter what the consequences were he would take care of them.

"I'm going to look out for you," he said to them, "and your mother," and though the responses were wiggles and coos, he almost felt like they could hear him.

Outside the room the nurse watched as the door slid open, and a very dazed looking Jedi stepped out.

"The senator is asleep," he said, "see that her children are tended to." And with that he turned on his heel and disappeared down the corridor.


	2. Chapter 2

The chancellor was dead, Mace Windu was in critical condition, and Obi-Wan was returning, victorious, from Utapau.  
“Master!” Anakin ran up the hall and clapped his old friend on the back, “It’s good to see you Obi-Wan.”  
“And you as well Anakin,” Obi-Wan smiled, resting his hand on his old padawan’s shoulder, “I hear congratulations are in order.”  
“Why would you say that?” Anakin stepped back, his hands trembled, and he had to fold his arms in the long brown sleeves of his robe to conceal them.  
Obi-Wan frowned, his eyebrows furrowed in that expression of concern only he could convey, “Don’t be so modest, Anakin. After all, you are responsible for the discovery of the last Sith in the galaxy.”  
“Oh,” Anakin laughed, recovering himself hastily, “Well, that was nothing,” he felt a pang of guilt. In the rush of things, he’d almost forgotten his own role in the Chancellor’s death.  
“Well- um,” he coughed, “I should be the one congratulating you. Without you I never would have accepted the mission,” he smiled mischievously and elbowed his old mentor unceremoniously in the gut, “Not to mention singlehandedly ending the war.”  
Obi-Wan laughed, “Well,” he began, quickly diverting attention away from himself, “There’s going to be a lot of cleanup around here, I wouldn’t consider it over yet.”  
“And little rest for the Jedi, I imagine,” Anakin sighed. Little rest for the Jedi meant little rest for himself, and Padme, and the twins. He couldn’t be overwhelmed, not now. He had to be there for them.  
Obi-wan nodded, “I would imagine,” he agreed with a sigh, “We’ll most likely be sent to the outer rim to deal with lingering separatist troops,” he shook his head, “And I’ve only just gotten back.”  
“Don’t be so gloomy master,” Anakin laughed, mainly to calm his own nerves, “I’m sure they’ll cut us some slack.”  
“I’m absolutely certain there’s no reason to be optimistic,” Obi-wan argued as they arrived outside the Council room   
“Only a Sith deals in absolutes,” Anakin laughed, a real smile spreading across his face as he joked with his master for the first time in a long time. He held the door open and Obi-wan shook his head.  
“You have me there, young Padawan,” he laughed, “you have me there.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Awoken, Master Windu has,” Master Yoda addressed the Counsel through hologram. He had remained on Kashyyk to oversee the cleanup of the short-lived battle and clear away any remaining Separatist presence, “Requested to see you—" he pointed to Anakin, “Master Anakin, he has”  
“Master?” Anakin sat up in his chair and looked from side to side. Obi-wan had a wide smile plastered on his face, though he remained silent when Anakin looked to him for answers.  
“Indeed, young Skywalker,” Master Yoda nodded, banging his staff against the floor out of habit, “Voted, the council has, and meritorious, your deeds we have found to be.”  
Anakin ran his hand through his hair, though he’d worked and waited for this rank since the beginning of the war. But now, somehow it was impossible to process that it was actually happening. He stood up unsteadily, one hand pressed against his chest in disbelief, “You’re granting me the rank of master?”  
Obi-wan stood up and held out a hand, “May I be the first to congratulate you, Master Anakin Skywalker.”  
Speechless, Anakin took his hand and shook kit, “Thank you Master,” there were tears in his eyes, and he had to swipe the long drooping sleeve of his cloak across his face to disguise them. With a tight squeeze of the hand, they clapped each other on the back before Anakin moved on to be congratulated by the rest of the council.  



	4. Chapter 4

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Anakin asked later. It was dark as they left the Jedi Temple, the meeting had been in session for a long time and Anakin still hadn’t gotten over the shock of the earlier announcement.  
“I almost did,” Obi-wan laughed, as he walked to the speeder with Anakin, “But Master Windu, ordered for it to be a surprise.”  
Anakin shook his head, smiling, “He’s not so bad,” he said, shrugging, “Once you ‘Earn his trust’” he finished off with a flawless Mace Windu impression.  
“You know I think he’s quite impressed with you,” Obi-wan said proudly.  
“Well,” Anakin shrugged, trying his best to be humble, despite his excitement, “I don’t see much to be impressed with. I only gave him the information he needed, he’s the one who did all the work.”  
Obi-wan shook his head, “You’re a hero Anakin,” he laughed, “I give you permission to enjoy it this once,” Anakin laughed with him as he hopped into his speeder.  
“I won’t let you forget that,” he said, starting up the engine.  
“Where are you going?” Obi Wan frowned, placing a hand on the door to the speeder.  
Anakin froze, “Um…” he coughed, “Well, you know me master, always looking for an adventure. I guess I’ll just cruise through the lower levels and see if I can find something.”  
Obi-wan sensed that this wasn’t the case, but the day had been too happy to ruin it now, “Well then, be careful.”  
“Hey, you’re talking to a master Jedi,” Anakin chuckled nervously, “What sort of trouble could I possibly get into.” And, with a suspiciously nervous glance back at Obi-wan, he took off. Deciding to take a roundabout way back to the Senate building, just to be safe.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey there little Leia,” Ani said, allowing her to curl her tiny fingers around his mechanical fingers.  
Padme rested her head on his shoulder, she cradled a sleeping Luke in her arms and she spoke softly, “I wanted to name her Shmi” she said, “For your mother.”  
Anakin’s smile faded, “If things were different,” he whispered. They’d made a habit of saying it, whenever they had to forgo some joy of family life. He planted a kiss on his wife’s cheek, and smiled as a pair of shaky little hands reached searchingly up for his hand.   
“Leia’s a good name,” he said, “And so is Luke. They’re going to have a clean slate Padme, no war, no slavery, no sadness. They’re going to be able to start new.”  
“And what about us?” Padme sighed, pressing herself closer to him, “Do we get a new start?”  
Anakin didn’t answer, he thought about that for a long while. He wasn’t really sure what he’d planned for after the war, he hadn’t really ever thought that far ahead. All he’d known was that it would bring freedom, but he was still bound to the Jedi, and to the republic. He stirred his head to look from the sleeping Luke and Leia, to his wife, leaning on him, her face hopeful, her presence safe. They didn’t have to be bound like him, he thought, they deserved a chance at that life he’d always pictured for them.  
“Go to Naboo,” he said softly. Padme looked up; her eyes fluttered open in alarm.  
“Ani-,” Padme sat up, careful not to waken little Luke. They’d agreed to stay on Coruscant until it was possible to get away, but between settling skirmishes and clearing away the last traces of the separatists, she wasn’t sure when that would be, “We’re not leaving without you.”  
Anakin stared out the window, as was his habit, and trained his eyes on the glowing headlights of the speeders as they passed, “I’ll meet you there,” he said, his voice low and solemn, “As soon as all this is over, I promise you, I’ll find a way.” He wasn’t sure when or how, but as he sat there, holding his family close, he realized that no matter what the cost he had to.


	6. Chapter 6

Anakin had been behaving rather strangely over the past week. Obi-Wan frowned to himself as he walked down the silent temple halls. At first, he’d thought it was just the shock of becoming a Master. Mostly just a slip of the tongue here and there, no cause for alarm, but lately Anakin’s strange behavior had escalated to concerning. He had become absent minded, constantly disappearing, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, since the war ended. Something was wrong, but when he asked Anakin always replied with a laugh, “I’m fine master!” he’d say, “Don’t worry so much”  
But Obi-wan did worry Anakin was hiding something, something important. Perhaps, he thought, this was an inner battle that Anakin must solve on his own, something that could be resolved by meditation. After all, Anakin was no longer his Padawan. But despite whatever reassurances Obi-wan gave himself, the issue nagged at the corner of his conscience, refusing to go away.  
He came to a stop at Anakin’s chamber door and knocked softly “Anakin,” he whispered, looking about him. It was early yet, many of the Jedi knights were most likely still asleep, or doing early morning meditation.   
No answer.  
“Anakin!” he tapped the door harder, “Anakin, get up, we’re supposed to go meet—”  
“Ahsoka!” a voice from behind him interjected loudly. Obi-wan whirled around to see his former-padawan tripping down the hall to meet him, robe only half on, and hair in a tussle, “Sorry Master,” he panted, pulling on the oversized sleeve of his robe.  
Obi-wan raised an eyebrow, “Where were you?” he asked as he looked Anakin over. It was evident by the bags under his eyes that he hadn’t been in his room that night  
“I was just-” Anakin rubbed his eyes vigorously, trying to brush off nerves as lack of sleep, “I woke up early to go for a drive,” he shrugged, starting down the hall.   
Obi-wan followed, with a reluctant and heavy sigh. Ordinarily he could see right through Anakin’s fibs, and when he couldn’t, it usually meant it was serious. Perhaps he’d been ignoring Anakin a little too much lately; apparently there were a lot of things he hadn’t known previous to the war's ending. Looking back, he could see that something had been troubling his Padawan, a shadow had crept into the enthusiastic boy’s soul. But Obi-wan had failed to notice up till now. Hopefully whatever it was had blown over, for Obi-wan no longer sensed a darkness; Anakin didn’t seem angry, only preoccupied and nervous.  
Anakin walked hurriedly ahead of his master, hoping that he didn’t seem too out of sorts. Padme was leaving for Naboo later in the day, so he'd decided to spend the night. He should’ve come back to the temple earlier, but his wife’s face glowing in the morning light had seemed almost too beautiful to leave her. And there were the twins, still so small, but growing fast. He was afraid that if he blinked an eye he’d miss it. It was hard to leave them behind, though they’d kept him up most of the night with their crying, by early morning they were sleeping like angels, light colored curls resting on their soft faces as he gazed over them to say goodbye.   
He didn’t know when he’d be able to join them on Naboo, but until he could he knew it would tug at his mind every waking moment. He only hoped he could hide it from Obi-wan, something he'd been unsuccessful with as of late. He didn’t want to lie to Obi-wan, but after years of doing it, it just seemed to come naturally. In any other case he wouldn’t mind coming clean sooner or later, but Obi-wan followed the code so strictly that he was afraid of what he might think. Of course Obi-wan would never report him to the Council, but he might not do him any favors. And even if he did approve, Anakin didn’t want anyone else burdened with the secret. That was why Padme had to go away, for a while at least, and he didn’t want anyone else to have to do that.   
He sighed, it was probably best not to think of it just now, “Can’t wait to catch up with Snips,” he called out to Obi-wan in an attempt to lighten his thoughts. They’d been able to meet with Ahsoka briefly after she'd apprehended Mail and taken him to Coruscant, but everyone had been so caught up in the whirlwind the end of the war had caused that it had been difficult to catch up.  
Obi-wan smiled, “Indeed,” he nodded, “I can’t wait to hear what trouble she’s been getting into without us,” he said it jokingly, but in truth he really was excited to have both his padawans with him again. It had been so long since the three of them had done anything together, and though the Jedi order forbade attachments, he couldn’t help but feel that they were his family. He hoped that with Ahsoka back it would feel like old times, and perhaps Anakin would get some semblance of his old self back. Only time would tell.


	7. Chapter 7

“Snips!”  
“Master!” Ahsoka immediately whirled around at the sound of Anakin’s voice. She saw the two Jedi approaching and sprinted down the landing strip to meet them halfway.   
“Anakin! Obi-wan!” she said, clapping them on the shoulders enthusiastically, “It’s good to see you.”  
Anakin grinned and patted his old padawan's hand. It was rougher than it had been when she'd first been assigned to him, they were both older now, war hardened and tough, but at heart Anakin knew that they were still the same people. The bond they shared could never be broken.  
“It’s been a while Snips,” he laughed, starting to walk down towards her ship. Ahsoka kept pace with him as the two chattered on about recent happenings, but Obi-wan decided to lag a little behind.   
The two of them were grown up, but despite that he had a sense that their problems were far from over. For now, though, he could at least enjoy seeing the two of them smile for a bit.  
Ahsoka noticed his absence and looked back to check on him, “You okay Master?”  
“Hmm?” Obi-wan said absentmindedly, his train of thought abruptly de-railed.  
“He’s fine,” Anakin laughed, “He’s just grumpy that you missed me more than him.  
Obi-wan shook his head and Ahsoka smiled as she walked back towards him “Like I missed you at all Skyguy!” she laughed, “Come on Master Obi-wan, we have a lot to talk about.”  
They all sat down to eat, something they hadn’t done in a while, or, ever before, now that Anakin thought about it.  
The only time they’d really spent together was while they were on missions, which was an almost constant event during the war, and the brief intervals in between had been used for either training, or sneaking around to see Padme. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d really been able to go out and have a sit down dinner. Most of the time it was just him and Padme eating takeout in her apartment.  
This was nice, he thought, as Ahsoka theatrically described her travels. He'd like to take Padme out for a dinner like this, a family dinner. But the closest they could get to a normal life was Naboo, and he didn’t even know when he’d be able to join her there.  
“I can’t believe we finally got Maul,” a shadow fell over her radiantly happy face, as she came to the end of her tale.  
Anakin shook himself out of his own thoughts just in time to see Obi-wan's solemn nod as he gently patted the padawan's hand.   
She sighed, a frown of determination on her face, as she squeezed Obi-wan’s hand back, “He already took one of our masters,” she said, “I wasn’t about to let him take another.”  
Anakin knitted his brows in concern, wishing he’d his he'd caught the rest of the conversation, “What do you mean?”  
“Maul had to fight me in the first place because he was trying to get to you,” A thoughtful frown passed across Ahsoka’s face as she recalled the incident to them, “He said you were going to destroy us all, he wanted to kill you,”  
Anakin cocked his head, prompting his Padawan to continue with her tale. She was animated in her words and expressions, and he gave her his full attention. But as she spoke, quoting Maul's words and actions, Anakin felt something grip his soul, something he’d pushed to the bottom since the birth of the twins. The unbridled terror came rushing back to him, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Lies from a Sith were not unusual, as he had learned himself the hard way, but something in Ahsoka’s statement had awakened the unvanquishable fear once more. Something in Maul's words rang true.  
“You did good Snips,” he said, smiling at her when she'd finished. But when Ahsoka looked up, she could see that the smile was only skin deep. She glanced with concern from Anakin to Obi-wan, the latter of whom responded with a knowing frown.  
“Master...” she reached forward to squeeze his hand, “I ls everything okay?”  
Anakin’s eyes widened in surprise, he was apparently unaware that his discontent was showing. He looked down, a troubled gaze clouding his eyes. He wasn’t sure how to find the words, how to tell them exactly what he’d been doing on that night the war ended.   
“Everything’s fine,” he said, squeezing her hand back. She smiled, a little uncertain, and continued the tale of bringing Maul back to Coruscant.  
But everything was not fine, and Anakin knew it. All his anger was gone, but it had left him with a lingering sense of fear.  
That night he lay awake for hours, reliving the memories in his mind, wondering, if things had gone differently, would he have been able to make the right choice.  
A feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that what he’d done was not inherently good, that he was undeserving of the title hero, that perhaps he had intended to…  
Padme was right, he thought as he rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut, sometimes bad dreams were just bad dreams.  
He shuddered and pulled his sheets closer, the room seemed colder than when he’d first retired, perhaps it was just his restlessness, or Padme's absence from his side. Those were the only plausible explanations for the cold shiver that ran up his spine in the darkest hours of the night.   
Bad dreams were just bad dreams.


	8. Chapter 8

In the following weeks Anakin felt no better, though his days were filled with almost more than he could handle, yet he felt that it was never enough to keep him from constant distraction. Had things gone differently; would Padme have been safe? And the twins? He could feel an overwhelming sense of guilt creeping up on him, as if from a separate reality, and evidently it showed in his features. Obi-wan was almost constantly asking him if he were alright and Anakin would respond with an unconvincing,  
“I’m fine, don’t worry so much!”  
He knew Obi-wan didn’t believe him, but it was the best he could do under the circumstances. It was impossible to hide that guilt which seemed to be eating him alive, yet it wasn’t as if he could tell Obi-wan about it.  
Had the situation been in his hands, could he have handled it? He shook his head, there had to be a way to stop these questions from bombarding his mind.  
There was a council meeting scheduled for the afternoon. Perhaps, Anakin thought, it would bring some news, a welcome respite from his constant state of worry. This hope seemed to bring him some consolation and carry him through the rest of the day which passed as in some murky daze.  
________________________

That afternoon did bring news and was quite as distracting and unusual as Anakin had hoped it would be. He arrived before Obi-wan, an unusual event in the first place, to find, standing in the midst of the other council members, his own Padawan, Ahsoka.  
In a burst of surprise, he ran up to her, crying out, “Snips what are you doing here?” while enveloping her in a bear hug.   
It was a moment before he realized how completely undignified that had been to do in the council room, in front of Mace Windu no less. But, as he squeezed his Padawan in a tight and grateful embrace, he could see the corners of the wise Jedi Master’s mouth twitching up a little. And that, to Anakin was just as good as saying he approved.  
Mace seemed to have softened up considerably since his recovery. His face didn’t look nearly so careworn all the time, and quite a few of the padawan’s could’ve sworn they’d seen him smile at them as they trained, there was no way to be sure, however. Even Anakin noticed that the solemn Jedi master was not nearly so critical of him as he used to be. Perhaps it was owed to the fact that there was no longer a Sith Lord threatening the galaxy. Perhaps at last, Anakin had won his respect.  
Anakin’s stomach lurched at that last thought, for he knew that he truly had not earned anything, but his surprise at seeing Ahsoka kept him from thinking too long on it.  
His Padawan smiled at him, “I’m not entirely sure,” she answered him, “The senate sent me.” She looked a little strangely at Mace Windu, her face a mixture of confusion and indignance, before he nodded at the two of them, a cue to take a seat.  
Obi-wan arrived and the meeting began. It was long, they were discussing a mission to Mustafar, where it was rumored that the separatists were still based. Anakin knew what was coming, of course! That had been the cause of Ahsoka’s unexpected appearance. They needed them for a mission!   
It should have been exciting, ordinarily it would have been. Yet with every word that was spoken Anakin found himself drawn back to thoughts of Padme, of Luke and Leia. While before he would have jumped at the chance to take this mission, he had a family to think of now. They crossed his mind more often now, thoughts which since the death of Sidious, his every waking moment was filled with them. The man he’d believed to be his only chance at keeping a family together had been the very man who’d nearly torn it apart. Or had that been Anakin? One second more and…  
Frustrated, Anakin rested his chin on his hands and sighed. He could hear the rustle of Obi-wan's robes next to him as he and Ahsoka exchanged glances of concern. He wished they wouldn’t, not now, not when he was striving with all his being to keep up an appearance.   
The rest of the meeting went by like some hazy dream, when Anakin was called on for the mission he accepted, though, Obi-wan and Ahsoka noticed with some concern, his voice had a strange numbness to it when he spoke, a sort of other-worldly quality. Afterwards he wandered out of the room like a man condemned, the spark that ordinarily lit is eyes was gone, and no one saw him for the rest of the afternoon. No one saw him slip quietly into the senate building, no one saw him as he unlocked the doors to senator Amidala’s chamber and crept in, slowly, quietly, careful not to disturb the gentle peace that had fallen over the apartment, no one saw him, as Anakin Skywalker lay his head to rest on the satin cushions of a couch, not much worn by years, yet which seemed to hold innumerable memories of happier times.

No one saw as the jedi master reached out through the force for comfort, allowed a soft sigh to escape his lips, and wept.


	9. Chapter 9

The night, however endless it seemed, had to give way to dawn, pulling back begrudgingly its dusky blue as clouds began to dapple the skyline on which it had rested. Blue turned to purple, purple turned to pink, and pink to gold as the sun rose, spreading its radiant hues. Anakin was awake, the dawn had drawn him to the vast window, when he knew he ought to be making preparations for the mission. But who, he wondered, leaning against the smooth cold glass, who could think of anything but Padme Amidala when the suns radiance reflected her own?  
The dawn’s listless fire drew him back to memories of years gone by, their brief time on Naboo, the pink and gold dress she’d worn by the lake. He laughed, softly those he was alone; she had looked like a goddess that day, adorned in the colors of the sun.  
She was little changed since then, and her perfection had only doubled since the birth of the twins. He, however, was very much changed since the days of their youth. Almost automatically he reached up, tracing the scar that ran just over his right eye. What sort of man had he become? His thoughts seemed forever plagued with darkness, his dreams an endless descension into madness. Throughout this she had been his only respite, though he’d been undeserving of her. She truly was an angel, for she had been the salvation of many, whereas he- His life had been an endless string of horrors, how could he ever deserve her? How could he be a father to her twins?  
He stepped back from the window, the glass had grown warmer with his touch and no longer held the same relief. By now, the sky’s rosy hues were fading into a serene and pale blue. The lateness of the hour dawned on him and he hastily fled the chamber. He could stall no longer, his mission awaited, and the day was breaking, with a sky that seemed all too clear for the torrents of a soul such as Anakin Skywalker.  
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The sun’s rays fell over Anakin's back as he hastened down the landing pad. It was the soft glow of a newly risen sun, but even so, the hour was late. He squinted as he drew closer to the ship, able to make out three figures in the distance; the togruta waiting anxiously, hands on her hips, the clone captain shifting from foot to foot, helmet in hand, and the weary bearded Jedi, tapping his foot, arms crossed, an impatient gleam in his eye which did not bode well for Anakin.  
“Good morning master!” he called nonchalantly as he jogged up to the three of them. He knew he could never hope to avoid interrogation that easily, but it was worth a shot.   
He stepped behind Rex, who’d been shooting anxious glances his way as he’d grown closer. He met the trooper’s russet eyes, deep with worry, with the calm blue gaze of his own and shook his head, subtly, but it was enough. Padme and the twins were alright.  
Red nodded in response, a barely audible sigh of relief escaping his lips. He’d found himself on edge lately, ever since Anakin had shared with him the secret knowledge of his hidden marriage, and now, children. He couldn’t help but worry himself constantly on their behalf. He’d come to know Anakin well over the course of the war. He could hardly stand to think of the suffering of yet another one of his brothers.  
Obi-wan exhaled, the exhaustion of raising this Padawan evident in his sigh, “Well, I’m sure we're all glad you had a good night’s sleep Anakin,” he said, sarcasm fell in torrents from his words, and pierced like daggers through his eyes.   
Anakin inhaled, slowly so that the air made a hissing sound when it passed through his teeth, eyes shut as he ran his gloved fingers through his hair. He knew an explanation was expected- no, demanded, of him, and while ordinarily he would not have withheld it, no matter how extraordinary a tale he’d have to tell, only this time he had none.  
“Can we talk later?” he asked, his lips pursed as he gestured to the ship, “We’ve lost enough time already.”  
“And who’s fault is that?” Rex muttered as they walked up the ramp, earning a glare from Anakin,  
“Sorry,” he coughed.  
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Ahsoka frowned thoughtfully as the trio of footsteps clanked up the ramp ahead of her, her eyes narrowing as, one by one, they disappeared into the ship. Perhaps she had been gone for a long time, but not so long that she couldn’t tell when her master was lying. The subtle change in tone, the shifting of his eyes from side to side. The glance, though only a moment long, between her master and the commander she’d come to respect was enough to confirm it, they were hiding something. Without words they were lying to her face.  
She ought to be smiling at the prospect of discovering what they were up to, delighted at the idea of their faces when she found out. But she wasn’t a kid anymore, and she knew the flash of fear in a man’s eyes, that same fear that had risen and receded in Rex’s eyes within a second as they met Anakin’s. Those blue eyes which no longer twinkled with mischief as they used to, rather, now they were glazed with some deep and saddening secret, a thing she had noticed for some time since their reunion, but not in Rex. Until now.  
The soft clank of her own footsteps echoed in her ears as she boarded. Their, the two men stood, preparing for take off and reviewing mission protocol, as they would any ordinary day.   
The togruta shook her head, wartime had been anything but ordinary. Three years of raging battles across the galaxy had taken their toll on everyone. Yet, what had been three years felt like a lifetime, and she had come out of it a different person. Only seventeen but she felt so much older, for she had gained the respect of senators, commanders, jedi, and generals. She was not the child she ought to have been, those years had been robbed from her forever, but in their place stood something she could cherish, wisdom, respect, comradery. She knew people and things she could never have hoped to in peace time. And for that, in a strange way, she was grateful.  
“You okay Snips?” the familiar touch of that leather glove which she knew so well rested on her shoulder.  
She looked up, into the sad eyes of Anakin Skywalker, but past the terrible secret those eyes held lay the same recklessness and compassion that made Anakin Skywalker who he was. Always there for her as he had been in the past, as he had been for everyone, though he often got in over his head, his compassion was his best quality.  
“This war,” she began, her gaze falling and drifting as she puzzled out her thoughts, “It’s changed us all, hasn’t it?”  
Her master nodded; he knew what she meant all too well. Surges of guilt and panic were a constant testimony to the truth of her statement.   
Ahsoka bit her lip, uncertainty painted her features as she returned the nod, though more to herself than Anakin,   
“Then,” she continued, her voice strung tight, “It has to be for a reason.”  
It came out as more of a statement than a question. One painted with uncertainty and confusion, and which Anakin could not answer. His touch grew a little firmer and his padawan understood. Nothing more was said, nothing more was needed. They parted ways and went about their business, both pondering the enigma of an ordinary life.


End file.
